meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Randomize
