she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
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