i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
Randomize
