God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
My breasts were aching with rage.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Randomize