i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize