Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Randomize
