Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
Randomize
