I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
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