just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
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