So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Randomize
