1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
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