May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
