Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Randomize
