Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
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