Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Randomize
