I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
Randomize
