Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
Randomize
