im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
Randomize
