the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Randomize
