I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
Randomize
