tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
Randomize
