listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Randomize
