Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
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