WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
Randomize
