And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
I have tasted many bathrooms
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
Randomize
