we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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