i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Randomize
