i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
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