The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
it was like his penis was on wheels.
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
Randomize
