My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
Randomize
