Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
