Where are you?
In a non slutty way
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Randomize
