apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
Randomize