Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
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