My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
Randomize
