so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
Randomize
