grandma shit on top of the toilet
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
You are the jesus of drinking
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
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