No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize
