dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
Randomize
