butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
Randomize
