Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
Randomize
