You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize