I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
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