haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
