He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
it's like iHOP with fire
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
Randomize
