Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
