So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
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