she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
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