I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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