I'd wear matching sweaters with you
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
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