I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
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