Pants 0. Shit 1.
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
if only i could text you this smell
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
