So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
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