Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
