i don't plan on having that self control this summer
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Randomize