while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Randomize
