I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
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