It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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