what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
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