You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
goodnight i made you a song goodbye
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
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