this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
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