I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
Randomize
